This Friday night I attended a progressive synagogue. This is the week for discussing a portion of our holy book called Shemot. The rabbi lectured on and on about motherhood. This portion of Torah in his eyes promoted the heroism of motherhood. According to him we just don't hold up mothers high enough. We should be doing more for mothers, recognizing how saintly they are and so on and so on...Maybe, maybe not.....but I get a completely different message from this section of our holy book.
Let me give a quick recap of part of what this section of our book says for those unfamiliar. The Hebrews were growing in number in Egypt. Threatened by their growing numbers, Pharaoh, the autocratic dictator, enslaves the Hebrews and orders the Hebrew midwives to kill all male Hebrew babies at birth. These midwives don't do it. They instead claim that Hebrew women give birth so quickly that they can't catch the babies in time to kill them.
If the story were true it would be the first time in the recorded history of the entire Western world that people engaged in civil disobedience. Interestingly in this tale the first civilly disobedient people int the world were neither bored men of money suddenly struck by ennui, nor angry slaves trampled underfoot. They were working women with skills. Midwives. As the rabbi yammered on about the hardship endured by the mothers I couldn't help but wonder, what about those midwives? They risked their lives to save the Hebrew nation- Don't they at least get a mention? No such luck...the Rabbi specifically began addressing a visiting woman with many children. He doled on her praise for showing up to schul while managing children,( in spite of the fact it seemed to be her husband dealing with the issues like diapering.) Everyone seems to have praise for mothers...but when was the last time anyone praised women who never had kids? If you look around, much like those Hebrew midwives, we tend to be the ones quietly saving humanity. We disproportionately volunteer with the elderly and the children. We help orphans and change laws. We tend to be a positive force to be reckoned with.... but no one ever really points us out for praise. As the rabbi goes on about motherhood I get very bored- almost everyone has a mother, and so what? It's moments like these when I actually start reading and thinking about what is in our holy book. Boredom is a great motivator.
And let's face it, aren't we all a little bored with this motherhood is everything holy and sacred in the universe story? I can't tell if it is getting worse and worse in the Jewish community, or my ears are just more tuned to it. Whatever the case, Jewish women have been unfortunately placed as one of the groups at the front of this motherhood-in-modernity battle by some quirks of demographics and culture. Unfortunately, even as motherhood has become more and more rare, it has paradoxically occupied a more and more praised place. Birth rates have fallen. The number of women with no children at all is exploding...and all anyone can seem to do is praise women as mothers, as if it were the only great thing we women are all doing for the world. A similar phenomenon seems to happen around weddings. Divorce is up. Never marrying is a growing trend. Yet women today seem more obsessed with marriage than ever. Women used to get married in their best dress and stay stuck in marriage as a fact of life. My mother married at nineteen in her nicest suit at the court house. Documents signed, marriage done. Hardly the three ringed circus that goes on nowadays. Now women marry later but spend half a years salary on a dress, and even crown themselves in diamond tiaras for the day. Then maybe half of us divorce within three years as if marriage were nothing more than a bad STD from which we have thankfully been cured. Why all the ever growing hoopla for something that is less and less relevant to our lives?
As the rabbi blared on about the greatness of motherhood, I found something fascinating the ancient text. The Hebrew midwives who arguably saved the nation were given such an important place in the story they got houses...an honor usually reserved for men. If this ancient text honors women as professionals and ethical heroes, why can't we? Why are we, supposedly modern people, stuck in a mentality where a woman is most honored for literally giving birth?
The Torah story goes on, and at one point Pharaoh's daughter discovers Moses floating down a river , and raises him as her own. I'm not sure, but this may be the first story of trans ethnic adoption in Western history. And the on to the parts of the story everyone over seven in the West knows about. Burning bush, Sinai and 'Let my people go!' But it's important to consider this all happens, the central character is only alive, because of some highly intelligent and skilled women, and how they handled their work.
Usually religious people of all types are those who obey. They obey the laws of their religion, and then the law of the land on top of that. It's the way to survive in general. Everyone wants to be a good lawful citizen. Generally Imams, Rabbis and Priests all call for that. But what about the moments when we realize the law is an affront to human life? What about the moments when the law is but a mere extension of the unjust rule of the powerful over the weak? Perhaps not so coincidentally the section contains another example of this. Moses witnesses an Egyptian beating up a Hebrew slave. He sticks up for the slave, and ends up being forced to flee. Hmm...so, as it turns out the greatest mythological Jewish leader of all time was a political refugee...from Africa. (Take that Eli Yeshai!)
So in a nutshell, as the rabbi implied this Parshah covers timeless issues... I only differ with him about which ones. I've had it with trite truisms. Motherhood is kind. Motherhood is apple pie. Motherhood is slogans every human can get behind...but motherhood is not the ONLY story. There are also even ancient stories about women as genius professionals, women adopting transethnicaly, women as disgruntled health care workers opposing the government and women beginning the tradition of civil disobedience.... Ultimately in many different ways this particular story was a story about laws and lawbreakers. Congratulate mothers all you want, the people who haven't gotten enough praise are the criminals.
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